


Hurts Like Hell

by tweedle_lee



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Based on a song, Bisexual Aaron Burr, F/M, Historical Inaccuracy, M/M, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Polyamorous Aaron Burr, Somewhat, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-09-01 15:24:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16767814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tweedle_lee/pseuds/tweedle_lee
Summary: Loosely based on the song 'Hurts Like Hell' by Fleurie.Aaron Burr knows the sight of a bullet ripping through your lover is worse than the sound of it, so given the choice between covering his ears and his eyes, he'll cover his eyes next time.He knows there is nothing he can do to stop sicknesses, especially ones that lurk in the mind.He also knows that he's better off not letting himself fall in love.





	1. I

~~Charles~~

Major General Lee is ice.

He's the sting of winter winds. He's the crunch of treading too heavy on snow. Charles is sorrow and sass and passive aggressiveness.

Charles Lee is fire.

He's the liquor burning in Aaron's throat. He's the crackle of the campfire. Charles is rage and light and drunken excitement.

Lieutenant Colonel Burr is earth.

He's the soft grass between Charles' toes. He's the whisper of wind in the trees. Aaron is quiet and peace and soft philosophies.

Aaron Burr is blood.

He's the pangs in a stab wound. He's the beating of a terrified heart. Aaron is passion and pain and bitter truths. 

* * *

Boisterous. Angry. Crude.

Apathetic. Silent. Cold.

Lovers.

* * *

_I loved,_

Burr watches Lee's rising and falling chest almost as much as Lee watches the stars tonight. Butterflies flutter under the skin laid with drunken kisses and Burr is scared of getting caught. Whispers and soft laughter.

_and I loved,_

Aaron sobs into Charles' shoulder as he's released in a prisoner exchange. Scars litter Charles' body and, judging by the nightmares, his mind. He gets a therapy dog. Gentle love and panic attacks.

_and I lost you._

Aaron is frozen in horror as _his_ _Charlie_ is shot in the side. Blood gushes from his stomach and Aaron is truly afraid for the first time throughout the whole war. Tears and apologies.

_I loved,_

Charles cries, realizing his court-martial means leaving Ronnie alone in the thick of war. They are tainted with love for one another and Aaron is scared of being caught again. Heated passion and brash drunkness.

_and I loved,_

Charles and Aaron send letters back and forth in secret. Aaron wrote of having found a beautiful woman and Charles is happy for him. Her name is Theodosia. Parchment and signatures.

_and I lost you._

Burr doesn't stop loving Lee, nor Lee him. Lee learns more of Theo, and he knows they are perfect for each other. Then Lee falls sick and, in his last moments, just wishes to see Burr one...last...time. Deep regret and silent funerals.

_and it hurts like hell._

Aaron can't breathe, can't think. Hamilton mumbles an apology in passing, but Aaron doesn't hear it. The dog collar left in his tent makes him sob. Pain and misery.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for this coming out later then I said it was!

~~Theodosia~~

Theodosia Prevost is air.

She's the breeze pushing Aaron forward. She's the soft whisper of a cloud. Theodosia is gentleness and sugar and quiet love songs.

Theodosia Burr is water.

She's the passionate embrace of waves meeting sand. She's the thrashing of a storm. Theodosia is tears and agony and emotional support.

Aaron Burr is poison.

He's the gritted teeth of pain. He's the uneasy silence of death. Aaron is regret and fear and burning acid.

Aaron Burr is medicine.

He's the slow healing of body and soul. He's the scratch of a quill on paper. Aaron is intelligence and health and calming touches.

* * *

Soft. Loving. Passionate.

Pained. Grieving. Wise.

Lovers...again.

* * *

_I loved,_

Aaron reminds himself that Jacques isn't home almost as many times as there are steps from his home to the place Jacques is stationed in Georgia. Sex and jealousy.

_and I loved,_

Theodosia makes a joke about having a threesome with her husband. Aaron tells her about Charles. Confusion and tearful reconciliation.

_and I lost you._

Aaron says goodbye to Theo as she's sent across sea with her husband. She insists she'll be back in a few months for him to work his lawyer magic and remarry her. Farewells and promises.

_I loved,_

~~and I lost you.~~

Aaron and Theodosia get married and Aaron mourns, his hands tightly clutching the sketch of a raven-haired man that's too young, too happy, not the _real_ Charles. Silent funerals and happy weddings.

_and I loved,_

Aaron cries at the sight of their newborn. They name her after Theo and her light replaces Charles', but it's the wrong color, the wrong intensity, and it's not her fault because she is a baby girl, not a middle-aged man. Aaron promises to be there for the two Theodosias, and Theo smiles weakly, the first smile in months that doesn't seem forced. Birth and joy.

_and I lost you._

Theodosia falls ill and all Aaron can think is 'not again'. Theo smiles and asks for her daughter with her final breath. Sickness and deafening sorrow.

_And it hurts like hell._

Burr doesn't have time to mourn. He has to provide for his child, needs to deliver flowers to Charlie's grave in time for Independence Day. Sunflowers. His favourite. He needs to beat Hamilton at something, anything! Burr needs to stop waiting.


	3. III

~~Alexander~~

Alexander Hamilton was water.

He was the passionate embrace of waves meeting sand. He was the thrashing of a storm. Alexander was tears and agony and emotional support.

Alexander Hamilton was fire.

He was the liquor burning in Aaron's throat. He was the crackle of the campfire. Alexander was rage and light and drunken excitement.

It’s no wonder why he was the first.

* * *

Young. Reckless. Confused.

His first lover.

* * *

_I loved,_

Burr’s first thought of Hamilton is that he’s too loud, too wild, _too much._ Drinks and secrets and a single farewell kiss are shared. Alcohol and introductions.

_and I loved,_

Alexander is appointed as Washington’s right hand man, and Aaron is proud of him, but he can’t help feeling jealous. Alexander assumes kisses and sex fix everything, and this time, he’s not wrong. Passion and jealousy.

_and I lost you._

Aaron tries to forgive Alex for starting this duel, but he just can’t. They both have other boyfriends, Alex is courting a woman, and that’s fine by Aaron. What’s not fine is setting their boyfriends up to shoot each other. Blood and distancing themselves.

_I loved,_

~~And I lost you~~

The stars in Alexander’s eyes as he proudly displays his financial plan send shivers down Aaron’s back. He is too loud, too wild, too much again, and it’s dangerous. Madison eyes Alex, and Burr feels a twang of fear and a twang of jealousy compete for the hotseat in his mind. Rowdiness and intellect.

Charles sends his last letter (sealed with a kiss, no doubt). Alexander speaks not of it.

_and I loved,_

~~And I lost you~~

James and Thomas, as they request to be called, reveal nothing of the events of their meeting with Hamilton. Burr knows what happened. He knows exactly what happened. Envy and conspiring.

Theodosia leaves him alone and he wants to be mad, but it’s not her fault.

_and I lost you._

He didn’t mean it. Blood, bullets, broken hearts. As they row him across the Hudson, Hamilton reaches for Burr and kisses him deeply. The regret strikes him, just as the bullet struck Hamilton. Pain and death.

_And it hurts like hell._


End file.
